The Talking Dog

[Sarge]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

 
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

 
'You talk?' he asks.

 
'Yep,' the Lab replies.

 
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

 
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from cou ntry to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

 
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'

 
'I got married, had a mess of puppi es, and now I'm just retired.'

 
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

 
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

 
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

 
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit..

[Harry/FDK]

Fucking Hell !!!

[LuftsickTero]

Reminded me about a joke about a dog from Savonia, Finland, the region where you really cannot figure out what someone thinks/says, especially older people. Story is funny in Finnish/Savonian dialect, but anyway poor translation..

So, a Savonian guy moved to Africa with his dog. As there was lot of stuff for the dog to sniff, dog followed a scent to the jungle and got too far from home.

Suddenly he spotted that a leopard was going to make a move on him and he had to figure out his options for rescuing himself.

So, he dug an old bone from the ground, spat it out saying "damn, them leopards taste like shit, I'm glad that I'm done with that". Leopard had never seen a dog like that and was glad that he didn't make a jump on such skilled hunter and walked away.

Monkey saw the whole thing and thought if he goes to the leopard and tells that dog bullshitted he might get a a friend out of a leopard and won't end up like leopard's lunch. Well, the leopard got pretty pissed off and said to the monkey; "hop in my back and you'll see what I'll do to the bullshitter".

The dog saw the leopard approaching with the monkey riding, so the savonian dog quickly turned his back and wondered out loud "where hell is that frickin' monkey, I sent him fetching another leopard half an hour ago! I'm hungry again."

The lesson: brown nosing might save you for a while, but savonian bullshitter will always get away!

[Shubee2 (DSK)]

Reminds me of someone on the lounge?? LMAO