Sorry America, we're reclaiming your country...

[louisb]

will there be darkness by lucas

And little roadsters that leak in the rain? 

--louis

[Rennsurfer]

   

My Dad was a car enthusiast and also German. Thankfully, he gave our family the joy of owning a few rear engined cars and kept 'em detailed better than they were when they were new. But, for some reason, he always referred to the antenna as "aerial." Which , to this day, I still do. It was the only British term that made sense to me. The rest of the stuff (see below) brings me to one conclusion; Brits made this stuff up back when carriages were still horse-driven and said people must've been drinking quite a few pints of grog or mead.

 

Having been a car nut, myself, since I was old enough to say the word "car", I've been around people from all over the world that share the same passion, so I've heard these British terms, before. In case a few of you haven't... here you go:
                                                     
antenna = aerial

circle, traffic circle = roundabout

divided highway = dual carriageway

drive shaft = propeller shaft

driver's license = driving licence

drunk driving = drink-driving

dump truck = dumper truck

fender = wing

four lane road = dual carriageway

ground (electrical) = Earth

high beams = full lights

hood = bonnet

low beams = lights dipped

median = central reservation

muffler = car silencer

odometer = clock

overpass = flyover

reflectors = cats eyes (embedded in road)

rental car = hire car

right turn = turning right

towing = recovery

trunk = boot

tire = tyre
 

[louisb]

Why don't the British build computers?

They can't figure out how to make them leak oil. 

--louis

[Rennsurfer]

HAHA!! That and the Lucas thing will, most likely, never probably be lived down.

 

Sorry, Keith... can't resist. [inner-monologue]Besides, you started this.[/inner-monologue]

[team97]

When is England going to reclaim Jaguar? Or maybe those English road oilers ought to stay where they belong.

[Rennsurfer]

When is England going to reclaim Jaguar? Or maybe those English road oilers ought to stay where they belong.

What's the matter, Glenn... you don't care for the English Ford Taurus, I mean... new Jags?

[team97]

Why don't the British build computers?

They can't figure out how to make them leak oil. 

--louis

I think they figured out how to do it. Its a Jag, it has to leak.

www.jaguar.net

[Zach Gomulka]

I spent some time with a couple english guys in Florida about 8 years ago. One of the things I picked up from them was the pronounciation of the word asphalt... it now became "ashphelt", and still is to this day

[Russell]

who cares !

[danny gabbard]

hey ! start off by reclaiming santa ana ca. please!

[dougmische]

Keith, did hell freeze over or did Doug get his car running? Now about this aluminum thing.

Glenn

Doug who?

[Fastbrit]

Keith, did hell freeze over or did Doug get his car running? Now about this aluminum thing.

Glenn

Doug who?

Sooooo. spill the beans, pal! How's it coming along?

[.]

What if we keep the country, but give you the Government !
 

[Fastbrit]

What if we keep the country, but give you the Government !
 

We've had your bloody government for years, run by George W's bro Tony Blair! You can keep it, thanks (along with his new bitch, Brown).

[team97]

Go ahead and reclaim the country but, you'll never lay claim to CAL LOOK

[Rennsurfer]

Go ahead and reclaim the country but, you'll never lay claim to CAL LOOK

Ouch.

+1 for the win.

[Fastbrit]

Go ahead and reclaim the country but, you'll never lay claim to CAL LOOK

But it took a Limey to write the book...

+1 for the draw!

[Rick Meredith]

You wrote the book but we LIVED it! 

[Fastbrit]

You wrote the book but we LIVED it! 

Judging from some of the stories I've been told, I think the word "survived" is more appropriate! 

[Rick Meredith]

You wrote the book but we LIVED it! 

Judging from some of the stories I've been told, I think the word "survived" is more appropriate! 

ROFL! You may have a point there! 

[Rennsurfer]

HAHA!! Okay... stalemate.

[Mc New]

I spent some time with a couple english guys in Florida about 8 years ago. One of the things I picked up from them was the pronounciation of the word asphalt... it now became "ashphelt", and still is to this day

Sorry Zach, I couldn't resist..... LOL
If you "spent some time with a couple of english guys" lol well,,,,,,that's ya own ASS FAULT !

[Mc New]

HAHA!! Okay... stalemate.

(rhymes with JAILBAIT) LOL

[Zach Gomulka]

 

[Rennsurfer]

(rhymes with JAILBAIT) LOL

Wow... you're like a small child that wanders into a theatre in the middle of a movie and tries to figure... nevermind.
(apologies to The Big Lebowski)

[gingabloke]

At last, years of expensive public school education have finally paid off.

When Humphrey Davy, son of Cornwall and inventor of the safety miners' lamp, first identified his new metal he called it Aluminum but the scientific community of the day referred to it as Aluminium so that it fell in line with other metals such as Sodium, Calcium, Potassium etc. In the end Davy capitulated and referred to it as Aluminium in his later work.

Now, where's my anorak...

[Ivan]

the French won't be happy...

Why not?
 

They have half of Canada, (we kept the other half just because it appealed to our sense of humour or, humor if you prefer!) 

Also, they got all those places no one cared about like Corsica, Polynesia and a few places in Africa like the Ivory Coast.

It'd be hard work for everyone if we let them have the U.S.A. Nicolas Sarkozy is too busy getting drunk and dribbling over Carla to teach a new language to the Americans - and anyway what would it be known as Americais? Anyway, he'd probably insist America learned Hungarian.



I'm not interested in taking the USA back - you earned it and have made it a great place to go on vacation. However, if in return we could just have In 'n' Out Burgers, Claim Jumper and  Dennys, oh, and VIP passes to the Playboy mansion - we'll call it quits. 

[Chris Andrews - The Mailman]

Great Britain is Repossessing the U.S.A.
In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, currently Gordon Brown (but hopefully not much longer…), will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of You noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following Rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.

Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) - roughly $8/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French Fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with "catsup" but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.

South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a Cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all Monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (NOT cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

Keith, that is some very funny material that you had composed. Nice!

Oh, by the way, Keith, do you know why GOD, LOVES the United States?

Take a peek at this video clip, then tell me what you make of it.

http://he.fi/video/view/NNS

GOD BLESS AMERICA and the NNS.

[Fastbrit]

Keith, that is some very funny material that you had composed. Nice!

Oh, by the way, Keith, do you know why GOD, LOVES the United States?

Take a peek at this video clip, then tell me what you make of it.

http://he.fi/video/view/NNS

GOD BLESS AMERICA and the NNS.
[/quote]Hi Chris – I can't take credit for the quotation – I just found it on the 'Net!

By the way, I've joined up to the NNS, too...