Computer technical support...

Dear Technical Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BoysNight 2.5 and SaturdayFootball 5.0 no longer run, and invariably crash the system because the application selected cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while I'm attempting to run some of these other favourite applications.

Can you help please!!!! Joe

Dear Joe

This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with no idea that Girlfriend 7.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT package.

However, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run everything. Further, you cannot purge Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0, because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained, it is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed.

In desperation to play some of their "old time" favourite applications, some men have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0, or Wife 2.0. However, these men end up with more problems than encountered with Wife 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Alimony/ Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0, and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that may occur, regardless of root cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command "C:\APOLOGIZE".

Avoid excessive use of the ESC Key. Use of the ESC Key often creates additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately the APOLOGIZE command will need to be issued anyway before the system will return to normal operations. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!

Just remember! The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but does require very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend FlowersAndGifts 2.4 and Chocolates 5.1. Used in conjunctions, these utilities can really help keep Wife 1.0 running smoothly and like a well-lubricated machine.

A final word of caution! Don't be fooled by false advertising! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryW/ShortSkirt 3.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Wife 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We at Tech Support trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

Technical Support